OECS launches international JERK assessment
Seemingly envious of the huge (and lucrative) success of the OECD’s PISA and the IEA’s TIMSS testing programs, the Organization of Eastern Caribbean States (OECS) has devised and is marketing its own assessment system, the Judging Educational Results and Knowledge (JERK) exam. Fearing the effect that global warming may have on low-lying island shorelines and traditional tropical tourism, JERK is meant to raise money and awareness of the Caribbean’s other offerings. Aimed at preschoolers—the optimal age to develop a taste for authentic Caribbean seasoning—the principal subjects covered are off-shore banking and maritime exports. Every child who takes and completes the test gets a spicy chicken leg courtesy of Golden Krust (test underwriter and America’s largest Caribbean-food chain). Eat your heart out, OECD, but wash it down with a glass of milk if you can’t stand the heat.
Project ABC
The DOE announced today a new initiative involving PARCC, SBAC, EOCs, SATs, and ACTs. Under this effort, K–12 students with an IEP or 504, as well as those in GATE, ESE, or ESOL programs, will benefit from new rubrics to determine GPA and IQ. The intent of this initiative is to increase non-cognitive as well as twenty-first-century skills using gamification, MOOCs, scaffolding, and, of course, text complexity. The initiative has the backing of the NEA, AFT, NCTM, NCTE, and NCSS, multiple DHFS and DOCs, as well as SEAs, LEAs, and PTAs across the nation. Schools are expected to include related AYPs and AMOs in their 2015–16 SIPs. Parents and teachers across the country have rolled their eyes and asked the DOE to STFU.
Truly universal kindergarten
The Smarter-Balanced Assessment Consortium is looking dumb and unbalanced as early results trickle in from this year’s first-ever administration of these new Common Core-aligned tests. As everyone knows, SBAC was much praised for its forward-looking plan to deploy computer-adaptive assessments to swiftly locate the approximate achievement level of each test taker,thus gauging students’ learning without wasting time on items that are either too easy or too difficult for them. Swell concept! But someone—ISIS?—must have infected the software, because everybody taking the SBAC assessment this spring has wound up with kindergarten test items regardless of their achievement level. One seventh grader reported a test question that showed her five shapes and asked which one was the circle. A high school student said the passage he was supposed to read “closely” started with “I am Sam / Sam I am.” A fifth grader was asked to identify whether a dress was blue and black or white and gold. And so on. Watch for scores to emerge that advise almost everyone that they’ve met the kindergarten standards and are ready for first grade.
The City of Angels goes back to the future
Responding to recent criticism over LAUSD’s attempts to give an iPad to every student, superintendent Ramon Cortines today revealed the district’s latest effort. “No student should be denied access to technology based on their socioeconomic background or circumstances,” he said, “but at the same time, we are aware that students are circumventing safeguards and accessing certain non-educational material.” Cortines proudly announced that every student would henceforth be provided with a top-of-the-line Commodore 64, outfitted with a full 64 kB of RAM, 20 kB of ROM, a digital tape drive, and a joystick. The district consulted Sony’s security experts, who called the device “unhackable” due to its total inability to connect to the Internet and, in some cases, power on. The devices also far outperform both the Apple IIe and Atari 800 when it comes to both speed and graphics. Cortines added, “At an inflation-adjusted price of $1,500 each, how can our students not be receiving the best?” Student liaison Job Stephens had no comment, as he was too busy trying to figure out how to fit the twenty-two-pound computer into his backpack.
Pearson trolls cheaters
Pearson has been taking lots of flak for following the public tweets of students who take its Common Core-aligned tests. Yawn. The real story is its harsh smack-downs of the kids it spies on. For instance:
No doubt the Stephanie Simon exposé is coming soon.
