In a move that K.T. Hayloft has called "dastardly" and "akin in awfulness to the hypothetical love-child of Genghis Khan and Amy Winehouse," the California Department of Education plans to randomly select "superstudents" in each public school, youngsters whose test scores will count for those of all their peers. "The country is moving toward this type of ‘smart representation.' In our case, instead of grading 3,000 exams in each school, it makes sense to look at just three or four," said State Superintendent (and gubernatorial wannabe) Whack O'Mama. "And those three or four tests will count for the whole school-see how fair and democratic that is?" Governor Shortsabeggar agreed: "Yah! Hungry!" quoth he. But a Los Angeles Whines survey of that city's designated superstudents found that, despite being picked at random, 79 percent of them were in fact members of the same extended Gujurati clan. Seventh grader Jane Austin Patel told a Whines reporter, "It's great. All the superstudents at my school are also my cousins." For his part, Michelangelo Patel, a third-grade superstudent from Sacramento, said he liked being his school's academic representative. Asked if he was nervous about the weighty responsibility on his frail shoulders, young Patel responded, "No. It's not like these tests really count for anything, anyway."
"79 Percent of Superstudents Related," by Dante Patel, Los Angeles Whines, March 29, 2008
