Dear Santa,
On behalf of a host of certified experts, policy wonks, busybodies and know-it-alls: All I would like for Christmas this year is your help in getting people to do what we know is best for them rather than what they want to do.
I know, I know, there are all those old clichés about a free society and the “pursuit of happiness.” But why do those stubborn kids and parents refuse to understand that we know better than they do what will bring them happiness? OK, maybe not perfect happiness, but we certainly know what’s good for them.
Consider Michelle Obama. She went to Princeton, for Pete’s sake, and Harvard Law School. I think she even passed the bar exam. She’s a real expert on so many things. She definitely knows what’s good for kids. After all, she has two of her own. And she has some sort of garden at the White House where they grow stuff that she says is healthy to eat. Surely she knows better than kids and parents and cafeteria ladies and Aramark what students ought to eat for lunch. After all, she persuaded the president of the United States and the Congress—experts all—to change the rules regarding the food that schools serve to their pupils.
But those stubborn kids don’t want to eat what she says they should eat—and they’re bankrupting their school districts by refusing to buy it! They’re not just stubborn. They’re downright destructive! If only they would heed the expertise of FLOTUS and the federal government and do what’s best for them. If only they would stop pursuing their own happiness.
Please help, Santa. That’s really all I want for Christmas this year. (But I won’t mind a bit if you also leave me a cheeseburger and fries. And maybe a chocolate shake to wash them down, so long as Rudolph can handle the, ahem, extra weight.)
Expertly yours,
Thomas B. Fordham, Ph.D., JD, EdD, MD, D.Phil
