Troubled by federal pressure to employ so-called "research-based" reading programs, the Intergalactic Reading Association this week issued a report entitled Reading for Freedom, edited by veteran illiteracy scholar Ken Badman. Dismissive of what it terms "inappropriate positivism," the report sets forth the preferred reading-reform strategies of diverse education and public-policy organizations. Here are excerpts from the executive summary. To read the full report, visit http://www.econ.unt.edu/elopez/TwoCows.htm.
National Education Association
You have two kids.
They can't read.
You give their teachers raises.
Republican National Committee
You have two kids.
Neither can read.
You hire a private tutor and send them to an elite progressive school.
Now your kids are Democrats.
You blame the NEA.
Democratic National Committee
You have two kids.
They can't read.
You demand more federal funding for schools and denounce NCLB for infringing on your state's rights.
Fair Test
You have two kids.
You refuse to test them, so have no idea whether they can read.
Progressive Policy Institute
You have two kids.
Neither can read.
One blames the teachers for their lack of knowledge.
The other blames the government for lack of funding.
You adopt a third child to transcend this stale debate.
Heritage Foundation
You have two kids.
You send one to public school and one to a voucher school.
You can't tell which one is doing better.
You insist we need more voucher programs.
Charter School
You have two kids.
Neither can read.
You have no money and live in a shack.
Your kids do just as well as your neighbor's kids.
Your neighbor complains that you're stealing from him.
NYC Department of Education
You have two kids.
Neither can read.
You fire them both, and replace them with two kids the mayor likes better.
Washington, D.C. Teachers Union
You have two kids.
You suspect they can't read but don't know where they are.
The police come.
It turns out you actually had eleven kids, but you're missing nine.
Thomas B. Fordham Foundation
You have two kids.
Neither can read.
You criticize them once a week, in about 3000 words.
They ignore you and turn out just fine.
You insist the results are inconclusive.