Gladfly hasn't been shy about his skepticism regarding the well-funded and well-intended but hapless (D)ED in '08 campaign. This video, for example, smacks of something like desperation:
But to their credit, being wise and perspicacious (as well as the aforementioned desperate), (D)ED in '08 leaders recently sought Gladfly's wisdom about how to turn things around between now and November. We agreed to consult (and charged $17 million, i.e., McKinsey rates). Here's our five-point, no-holds-barred, put-hair-on-your-chest plan for driving education to the top of the '08 election campaign before Election Day:
Margaret Spellings cuts an "NCLB Girl" video. This would have widespread appeal, especially to Republicans weary of watching the "It's Raining McCain" bit.- Get Hillary Clinton to claim she dodged bullets during a 1996 visit to Stuyvesant High School. Bullets might be a stretch. Graphing calculators and protractors, maybe.
- Leak an Osama bin Laden tape mocking America for its weak education system. It may be tough to contact bin Laden, in the "tribal areas," and he may not want to cooperate, so floating a fake tape is the best bet. Our actor need only read direct from A Nation at Risk. In fluent Arabic, of course. Sprinkle in a "Great Satan" here, a "Even Waziristan offers more school choice than some American states" there, and we're golden.
- Get McCain to actually say the word "education." That's it.
- Pay Britney to wear a (D)ED in '08 t-shirt. When she shows up on tabloid covers, clad in (D)ED in '08 garb, attacking a garden hose with a rake, people will get the point.
- Leak a video of Barack Obama's crazy third-grade teacher spouting anti-No Child Left Behind invective. "Standards, accountability, Title I! No Child Left Behind? Na, na, na! Not No Child Left Behind; every child left behind! So kids can't learn and the government can build bigger prisons, which benefits the aliens, and little green men, and black helicopters, and people on a grassy knoll!"
by Mark Lampshade